Whilst researching the flirting behaviour of 250 single people in the cities of London, N.Y., Paris and Stockholm, I discovered there were 6 signs indicating when someone was attracted to another. I will be revealing these 6 signs in the next series of blog posts, starting with the first one: Body Language.
The science of body language is fascinating, and can be a very useful tool in communication. What is not said in an interaction is often the most important information. And, sometimes, as much as we want to hide our true feelings, our bodies are constantly giving away ‘leaks’, or truths about how we are really feeling. Having the skills to read body language can help you understand what someone is really thinking and can help you become more aware of the message that you are sending to others.
So, how can one become good at this?
1) It goes back to the one of my favourite mantras, ‘It’s not all about you’. Put your focus away from yourself and onto the other person. You can’t read the subtle and informative cues of a slight frown, a nervous rocking, or a clenched fist, if you are focused on yourself.
2) Look at the feet. Even the most seasoned politicians can only control so much of their body language. You can’t control the tone, words, facial expression, shoulders, hands, and the feet all at once, somethings gotta’ give! The furthur away our body parts are from the brain, the harder it is to control them. By the time we get to the feet, the control is lost. Do you want to know if someone is happy to stay in the conversation with you? Look at where their feet are pointing, if it’s directly towards you, this is a very good sign. If one or both feet are pointed away, you had better do some fast talking, or let them go.
Body language. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Body language. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
3) If you are dealing with someone who has crossed arms, do something to make them uncross. Drop a pencil and ask them to pick it up, change locations, give them a hug, anything! Closed body means closed mind. You will never get someone on side if their arms are crossed. When I point this out, many people reply, ‘But, it’s comfortable’ or ‘I’m cold.’ If you are trying to make a good impression, it’s not about you. It’s about appearing open and on side with the other person and that barrier you are putting between you will not help.
4) Finally, be aware of your own body language. It’s useful deciphering what others’ are thinking, but are you aware of the signals that you are subconsciously sending out? Do you realise that your right hand is always in a fist? Or, that you constantly cross your arms? It might be a good idea to ask your friends if they’ve noticed any disconcerting postural habits.
If this was interesting to you, you might want to check out the chapters on Body Language in my new book: The Flirt Interpreter: Flirting Signs from Around the World.
